Chivalry and the Modern Romance

“Chivalry!---why, maiden, she is the nurse of pure and high affection---the stay of the oppressed, the redresser of grievances, the curb of the power of the tyrant ---Nobility were but an empty name without her, and liberty finds the best protection in her lance and her sword.” -Sir Walter Scott

CHIVALRY (N.) The combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, esp. courage, honor, courtesy, gallantry, justice, and readiness to help the weak.

What went wrong with chivalry in the last 500 years? Why did men give up the subtlety and gentility of wooing over time? My answer: insecurity and laziness. Proper wooing takes work, patience, and sacrifice on both sides and, with such a fast-paced society that we have these days, it’s not entirely surprising that assholianism reigns supreme. What rotten gamblers we are: we do not want to sacrifice, we do not want to risk, but we do insist on a guarantee that we get the prized happily-ever-after in the end. No wonder divorce rates are so high—we’re a bunch of insecure fakes! What is the point of romance and wooing without some risk of showing who you are or that you really care? Or, furthermore, what’s the point in romance and gentility and honoring your romantic counterpart with simple human civility when it’s so much easier to neglect, ignore, and emotionally abuse them into getting what you want? Ladies and gentlemen, just because something is easy does not make it moral, respectable, or fair. Life’s not fair? Kiss my ass, Confucius, because it’s pretty obvious you’re doing jack shit to fix that problem.

Guys, guess what. Women don’t like dicks. Girls like dicks, and you know why? They’re insecure. The women who do date dicks are the insecure girls all grown up; they don’t know that there are any other guys out there other than the dickheads they’ve dated. Nice guys don’t finish last: they just turn into dickheads because they are—you got it!—insecure and think it’s the only way to get a girl. Don’t pretend to be an abusive asshole, grow some balls, and put yourself out there for who you are. It’s harder, yes, but at least you’ll be an honest man rather than insecure emotional terrorist.

Gals, guess what. Guys don’t like bitches. I know, it may seem that way but believe you me they don’t. You know what they want? They want a compassionate, confident girl who’s not afraid to stand up for what she wants. That, ladies, does not make you a bitch. A powerful woman is threatening only to the insecure guy. But a woman who knows who she is and what she wants is a force to be reckoned with. Dating men is like training a dog: you date a dick and it’s like petting a dog when it bites you—you’re encouraging a bad habit. It’s not going to help your obvious self-esteem issues, and he’s not going to magically morph into Prince Charming no matter how good the sex is. End future emotional terrorism for women everywhere: Dump the Dick.

Chivalry is about respect for not only someone else, but yourself as well. It died due to centuries of self-preservation cynicism and can only be revived through honesty. Ladies, face it, you care. It’s in your nature to care no matter how much it will hurt you. It’s to be moderated, true, but not ignored. It’s just the way we’re programmed and if a guy doesn’t like you for the simple fact you give a shit, he’s not worth it anyway. Gentlemen, take the high road, put in the effort and be yourself. It’s harder but at least you’ll be honest. Pain is a part of life—if you try to live without pain you’re only half living. If a woman’s a bitch it’s because she’s found no reason not to be. Chicken-and-the-egg syndrome, guys: a bitch (a personification of negative energy) only became that way because someone made her that way (a dick transferring his own negative energy). Stop the cycle by giving her a reason to believe in you. If you’re successful, and she’s strong enough to believe in herself too, congratulations: you’ve inspired romantic faith. Chivalry is not dead; it just takes work and caring about something more than your own self.