Connecticut Importations

My apologies ladies and gents, for I have neglected you these past few weeks in favor of more pressing matters. You may be wondering, what does an unemployed, dependent, and royally pathetic art kid have in terms of important business? Well, I'll tell you. I was doing interviews for jobs I ended up not getting. HaHA! Yeah no, I know that's sad, but look at the bright side: I'm able to write to you about totally random crap again!

Speaking of, I've come to a conclusion that the State of Connecticut, despite the economic crisis, has such a swollen budget we've started to import our populations. My friend Dri use to say that it's such a monochromatic state we probably import our minorities. It wouldn't surprise me. But now, I have proof that CT Importations is a real thing:

I went to a lakeside beach with friends a couple days ago. It was a beautiful early summer day--baby blue skies, wispy clouds, and a cool breeze grazed the hillsides. It was absolutely perfect! We went swimming for well over an hour and then it caught our notice that a large crowd of people were swimming from the landing on the opposite shore to the beach where we were. There had to have been at least two dozen of them. It wasn't until the Normandy beach landing concluded that we noticed they were all lifeguards in training. Upon closer examination by swimming in the shallows--rather blatant in our gape mouthed stares, but we honestly couldn't give a fuck at that point--they were all extraordinarily good looking...with the exception of one hairy-backed fat guy and a gangly blond with horse teeth. And on even closer investigation--by this point we looked more like walruses making their way up the beach--they were all British.

Wait, wait, wait...why are two dozen Brits training to be lifeguards in Northwestern CT? YOU LIVE ON AN ISLAND for fucks sake, there should be enough water around for you to practice life guarding. Need a lake? Head north and ask the Scottish for a Loch, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. And why is everyone good looking? Did they wrangle the only hot residing civilians in England to be the ambassadors of British lifesavers in America? And for that matter, why did you pick CT to train? Why not MA, NY, NH, NJ, or ME?

My theory? CT is so presumptuous and spoiled that we've actually started to import European lifeguards because ripped local jail bait is simply not qualification enough to save our lives. This makes me wonder though: why do lifeguards have to be good looking? Okay, sure they're in their bathing suits all the time, they are going to be looked at a lot being they're the authority figure, and they have to be athletic. But really? We're honestly not going to care when we have a couple pints of lake or sea water in our lungs and are about to become fish food in the most literal sense. We will not give a fuck who saves us so long as someone does. But then again, that's just my opinion.

Coincidentally, I will be back to the lake hopefully soon. *innocent look* What?! I like the water! It has nothing to do with English lifeguards. Nope. Not at all.